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[Dec. 9th, 2009|09:48 am] |
In the process of considering a haircut (which I do about every few weeks, nowadays), it has occurred to me that rather than chop the whole thing off, I could have a trim and then get BANGS.
It's more an amusing thought than a probability, but anyhow... |
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[Nov. 27th, 2009|11:51 pm] |
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Fuck you, Antivirus Pro! I know how to beat you now. NO MATCH FOR THA MASTAH. |
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[Nov. 1st, 2009|11:28 pm] |
Four sevens is a good number. It is the Aristotelian elements, brought into divine harmony; it is a series of deaths that has been brought to fulfillment. I predict an opening of the way, brought by a great alignment of factors long pending.
Generally: good times. |
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[Oct. 22nd, 2009|10:51 am] |
Of course. If this meat and this state of mind is transitory, so it must be for all meat and all states of mind. Precious and beautiful, things whose essence I cannot hurt in the handling because there is no essence to hurt.
There is nothing lasting that we can see. Nothing we see we can reduce to its form, its true nature. Nothing we can see means anything. I mistook that for the cause to celebrate-- that if there is nothing that means anything, then that means can decide upon whatever meaning we wish-- but the heart of the revelation is that nothing we can see means anything-- AND THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING EITHER.
It's clicked SO HARD. I like it. Let's see where I go. |
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[Oct. 19th, 2009|08:19 am] |
So: no more fast food for me for a while. Saturday's Arby's has spoiled me pretty hard on it, what with the near-projectile vomiting that ensued about twelve hours later and had me wanting to just plain old not move at all for the day thereafter. I will give it credit, though, for perhaps inspiring a dream:
It was a warm, very-nearly hot summer day; I happened to be in transit between places, riding a bike. A good day in general. Somewhere along the line something cut me above the eye-- I bled enough for it to get in my eyes and keep me from riding safely, so I ditched the bike somewhere I knew it would be safe and started walking. The path took me up a hill; somewhere along the line I tripped and found that my legs weren't working. Then, it started to rain!
And I started giggling, because it was SO FUNNY. Someone came over, asking me what was wrong, and I explained that nothing was wrong that wouldn't be over and done with soon anyway. Soon as I remembered how one particular set of muscles functioned I would be on my way again. No, I didn't mind the rain-- it was /nice/ today. She watched from a pink raincoat, and between my fits of giggles, she asked me, "Is this how you feel all the time?"
I had no answer for her but a smile. Finally, I remembered which way I had to flex my legs in order for them to support my weight. The rain had abated, and I realized just how far up I was this hill-- and how steep it was. A thirty, forty-five degree angle upward. I asked her if it had always been this way, and she gave me a look that suggested I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going but wishing me well just the same.
"Drill through the heavens" indeed. |
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[Oct. 13th, 2009|10:44 am] |
/facepalm
I knew this sort of thing happened. I have evidence that it does happen. I just didn't think I'd ever actually -see- it happen.
(No, I won't talk about it right now; no, it's not something relevant to most people here; no, it doesn't involve me. But man: if I didn't know/like the people involved on general principles, this would be far more entertaining.) |
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[Oct. 4th, 2009|12:04 am] |
Terrible (GREAT) thematic game idea:
So I've been on this Exalted kick of late and I think I'm going to be able to get to act on it in the next week or so with running it. And then I was listening to some smile.Dk, and I hit on a particular song that has been linked to Sailor Moon inextricably by a stylish AMV, and then all of a sudden I'm thinking of a magical girl-style Sidereal game about kids who've just been given the task of defending a world that's forgotten them from terrible, terrible threats that will eat everything. Play down the faction politics at start, but ramp things up and then sic a world changing that was supposed to be stable, and hee hee hee.
Earmarked for some distant, potential future. |
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[Aug. 28th, 2009|12:59 pm] |
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Someday, remind me to put down things I've thought/observed/decided about the delightful utilitarian nature of non-violence as a weapon. :3 |
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[Aug. 27th, 2009|11:27 pm] |
Funny-- I've found a WoW blog that started off with how to make a crap-ton of in-game currency (and has since moved to explaining, among other things, why giving work-free and guilt-free handouts to people is a terrible idea, as they will not learn gratitude or the skills to do the same for others and will likely piss it away at the earliest available opportunity), and suddenly I've realized something substantial about my intentions for the game:
One, I'm there for the PVE. The people are nice, awesome even, but I am forced to admit that I honestly would rather keep that fifteen dollars a month in the bank rather than spend it on a very pretty IRC interface.
Two, I'm not actually pursuing the PVE that interests me when I play.
This needs to change. Why exert energy in something that does not get me something I want? Time to examine options. |
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[Aug. 24th, 2009|08:11 pm] |
The image of the hungry ghost is that of a soul bound to this existence, unable pass on, always seeking to consume something but never satiated by it no matter how much of it they eat (blood, food, sex, emotion, wealth, excretia, etc). A small mouth, a long neck, and a massive stomach. These are people who were overtaken by their desires in life, and one part (but only one part) of the lesson is that you are what you do in life as well as what you don't do and why you do (not) do those things.
But another lesson is that you do not always actually want what you think you want.
While I was running the Mythos game for m'sister's group, our hosts had a small stash of popsicles in the fridge. I whittled away at this stash with their permission, as they did not take much from it themselves and it occupied freezer space; when they observed as such, I was then brought to wonder why I enjoyed them as much as I did, and was answered with the idea that they taste like childhood. The gent who brought it up was right, I thought-- the popsicles themselves were little more than frozen flavored sugar water, but my memories of eating them were tinged with a more innocent delight associated with being young and summer succulence. Thus: did I want sugar water, or did I want to conjure that memory of boyhood?
The nature of the brain is that of an associative structure. We have known this for effective fact since near the beginning of the last century (and believed bits and pieces of it long beforehand); we cannot view an advertisement without being plucked at and played to by societal knowledge of these facts, and we cannot attend a well-executed sermon of any sort without rhetorical expertise tugging at us. Told to buy this or believe this because of that, how often do we actually get the thing promised when we agree to the first? And how often do we believe we gain that promised thing when we actually don't?
Desire is an untrustworthy thing. Be careful of what energy you give to it, for your desire does not always serve your own interests-- not even the transient ones. |
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[Aug. 16th, 2009|02:11 am] |
Man. I am getting those particular muscles worked OUT.
Adaptation, revision, intersection. Seems to be working out. Just keep remembering to hold nothing as inherently a priori, and flux can continue from there. |
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[Aug. 5th, 2009|04:24 am] |
Possible Meme I Engineered Yesterday:
Life is a school with many classes, and only some of them are held between four walls in a school. Forget the Chemistry, the History, the Ethics of Profession-- what are three classes did you take in YOUR undergrad years (or age 18-24 if you didn't hit school then)?
1) SLK 2432 - Optimizing Doing Nothing
2) SOCI 3135 - Weaponized Innocence
3) GLBTF 2371 - Attracting Your Own Gender |
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[Jul. 27th, 2009|05:29 pm] |
I am going to be preparing two index cards. On one, it will say: I am taking a vow of silence, July 29-August 06. The flip side will say: "Why? Ask me in a week. ^_^" The other will be something similarly snappy.
I will not be seeing or meeting with people until about Wednesday of next week. This means that I will not be running any games this coming weekend. Additionally, I will be turning my computer off and leaving it off for the aforementioned time period, beginning no later than this Wednesday and continuing for seven days, with perhaps one exception on Saturday that will not have me turning on IMs.
Granted: for many of you reading this now, this will not be a significant change; I'm sparse with updates here as it is, and the absence of telephone/IM communication is not a shift in the status quo. LJ updates from me are always spotty at best. However, this notice does hit some blanket others to whom this is addressed. |
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[Jul. 25th, 2009|09:32 pm] |
Of COURSE. How could I be so foolish?
It's -silence- I need. Proper silence, not the hum of an air conditioner and fans and computer and television and chatter from a dozen sources in the background.
That's what I wasn't getting. It's what I need more of.
Hopefully, in putting it down now, I will remember of my own volition. It's amazing how much a difference it makes. |
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[Jul. 10th, 2009|04:43 pm] |
The revelation that follows.
The reality, already understood as a result from some earlier comprehension but not-yet-realized-ramifications until of late: the voice in my head that shouts at me to mind my business know that your actions echo YOU HAVE INFLUENCE YOU MUST USE IT WISELY YOU MUST MIND IT VERY MUCH? It is not the mandate of without that compels me to obsessively self-monitor. It is the mandate of within. As such, it is my own voice that I shout myself down with. Subsequently I may instead swallow that shout within one more pleasing to the heart.
Permission to break, bend, or violate internal rules is a dangerous thing, because those actions implicitly acknowledge and recognize the presence of that internal rule. You have to seek the way around the proscription every time you wish to act against it, appeasing the internal monitor on every occasion.
The block is of your own creation. Its strength is your strength: useful when you are uncertain of your understanding or your motives, but counter-intuitive when you trust your general instincts in these matters. Why dominate yourself needlessly, and waste energy that could be put into better places?
That's the answer for now. |
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jarick's journal